Sogno ( I Dream)

Va ti aspettero
Il fiore nel giardino segna il tempo
Qui disegnero il giorno poi del tuo ritorno
Sei cosi sicura del mio amore
Da portarlo via con te
Chiuso nelle mani
che ti porti al viso
Ripensando ancora a me
E se ti servira lo mostri al mondo
Che non sa che vita c'e
Nel cuore che distratto sembra assente
Non sa che vita c'e
In quello che soltanto il cuore sente
Non sa.

"Kemana ?"
"Kesana sebentar"
"Aku tunggu sini, k ?"
"Ok"

Drtttt.....drttt.....drtttt.....
Bunyi alarm getar dari handphoneku dan angka digital di monitornya menunjukan jam 4.30 pagi. Sepotong mimpi pendek mengakhiri tidurku.

Kubuka keran air dan menampung air dingin yang keluar dengan kedua tanganku serta membasuh mukaku.

"Go, and take my feelings with you in your cupped hands so you can always feel them when you put your hands on your face". Terngiang terjemahan sepotong lirik dari sebuah lagu Itali dalam benak sambil merasakan dinginnya air menyentuh kulit mukaku.

Qui ti aspettero
E rubero i baci al tempo
Tempo che non basta a cancellare
Coi ricordi il desiderio che
Resta chiuso nelle mani
che ti porti al viso
Ripensando a me
E ti accompagnera passando le citta da me
Da me che sono ancora qui
E sogno cose che non so di te
Dove sara che strada fara il tuo ritorno
Sogno

"Hapus aja semua"
"Semua ?"
"Iya, block all dan cut"
"Ok"

Fungsi cut and paste memang praktis untuk menghapus maupun memindahkan data yang besar dalam sekejap.

"Sayang dihapus semua"
"Ga papa, masih ada di memory kok, mau diliat balik?
"Iya"
"Control V aja"

Sebuah senyum manis muncul mensyukuri kehebatan penyimpanan memori dari sebuah kejadian.

Qui ti aspettero
E rubero i baci al tempo
Sogno

"Mau kemana ?"
"Pergi"
"Aku tunggu ?"
"Ga usah"

Panas yang terik membuatku terbangun dari tidur siangku diteras belakang. Sambil bangkit dari kursi malas kusambar sebotol Aqua dimeja dan langsung kuteguk sekaligus kusiram kemukaku. Masih setengah mengantuk dan kepanasan kuletakkan kembali botol Aqua besar itu dimeja dengan posisi miring. Botol yang setengah penuh itu jatuh dan sebagian isinya tumpah keatas keyboard laptopku.

"Warning: Keep away computer from source of liquid and protect from damp area". Terngiang sebuah bunyi petunjuk pemeliharaan komputer dari buku panduan

Un rumore il vento che mi sveglia
E sei gia qua.

Kali ini bukan mimpi. Aku usap keringat dari mukaku sambil menatap layar monitorku dan merenung atas hilangnya memori dari semua kejadian dalam sekejap.

Drtttt.....drttt.....drtttt.....
Bunyi alarm getar dari handphoneku dan angka digital di monitornya menunjukan jam 4.30 pagi. Sebuah mimpi panjang yang terdiri dari berbagai mimpi-mimpi pendek mengakhiri tidurku.

Aku duduk dipinggir tempat tidurku memikirkan harus melalui hari yang masih sangat panjang.

Here I will wait for you
And steal kisses from time
I dream
A noise, the wind awakens me
And you're already here.

Terngiang kembali terjemahan lirik bait terakhir dari lagu yang sama dalam mimpiku tadi. Aku tersenyum pahit menyadari kenyataan, mimpi dan sepotong lirik lagu.

"Nobody's here, I'm alone" kataku pelan, sendiri.

Senseless Sensuality

The driver turned on his radio without even asking me whether I would mind if he listened to some music. I sat in the back seat not really caring and closed my eyes. Soon I heard through my closed eyes the not so old driver started humming to this unknown song. I sighed silently but let him had his moment of joy. I was just too exhausted to even mind his out of tune humming and kept my eyes closed and tried to get a moment of sleep. Luckily the out of tune hummer knew where to take me when I told him earlier about my address.

"Good, then don't even bother to ask me which route I want to take, okay. I want to sleep" I said.
"I can't promise you we don't get stuck in traffic" he replied trying to build some way out of getting the blame in case we got stuck in a rush hour traffic jam.

"Don't you turned into a politician on me, will you?" I sarcastically said to him. "The whole damn city is a traffic jam at this hour, so don't you worry about getting the blame to some broken promises" I continued with even a higher tone of cynicism.

"Everyone is a damn politician" I sighed silently and slouch back in the back seat.

The unknown song has gone and replace by another unknown song. The humming loyally followed another alien tune. I moved my hand from a folding position to my side and started to feel the surface of the vinyl backseat of the cab with my palm.

"Felt so different from leather" I started to thought about the feeling of genuine animal skin and tried to formed a scent of real leather in my sleepy head.

Suddenly I heard a familiar song I knew from a long time ago came out from the radio. My mind started to go with the mood and feeling slightly nostalgic. The driver was still doing his out of tune humming.

"Stop it dude, I know this one" I said.
"Sorry ?" he replied
"Stop the noise you're making, it ruined the song" I said, this time louder.
"Ah, you have memory with this song, huh? he grinned from behind the rear view mirror.
"Yes and you are destroying a beautiful picture so shut up !" I said.
"Okay...okay happy daydreaming" he said, this time the grinned grew wider.

"Jerk !" I cursed silently.

I closed my eyes again and started feeling the moodiness brought by the song, awakening some strong feelings about the past. I smiled and continued to enjoy the ride to the past. The song seemed to evoke all the senses in me and brought back my addictions to emotional pleasure and pain as well.

"the delights of sensuality " I whispered silently.

The song was over and replace by a voice of a radio announcer. The driver switched to several other stations before he stopped at one that was playing another alien song.

"Now you can make the noise again" I told him.
"I don't like this one" he said.
"Good, then don't make the noise" I said in an ordering tone.
"Okay sir !" he said.

The previous nostalgic song somewhat made my sleepiness gone away and replaces it with a few physical and emotional tingling feelings. The imaginary leather I felt just now brought me to a touching of skin scene on a leather sofa somewhere. I could hear the soft whispering noise of a movie unwatched on the TV and movement beneath a soft thin wool blanket.

I close my eyes tighter as if to fight the humming noise that has started again so it won't wrecked the sofa scene. It worked and I started to drowned in deeper emotions. This time it was the scent of wet grass shortly after a morning rain coming in from an open window, This has brought another scene of white bed sheets and scent of musky body odor mixed with freshly brewed coffee.

"Caffeine maybe has always been a stimulating experience, but that and the scent of rain and the sight of naked skin..." I couldn't even continued with my thought and instead sighed again as I got more intoxicated in a mix of emotional pleasure and pain.

I read somewhere that people who are exceptionally sensual live for the moment and are not hung up on the future or the past.

"Bullshit !" I cursed within.

What life has to offer is all about expectations of the future and pain of the past. Without them there won't be any strong feeling to relate to and all the five human senses won't mean anything.

"It won't be living" I concluded.

But then I thought again, the strong senses that made me drowned in emotions without a life vest won't mean anything either since I realized I felt it so strongly because I'm alone !.

"Damn senseless sensuality" I screamed, still silently.
"Okay sir, we're here" the driver said.

I paid him the fare and left a big tip. It was raining again outside. Wet and damp and yes it smelled nice. I finally concluded that I rather keep finding the smell of rain pleasing or the taste of fresh marmalade soothing even though they brought me pain. I got out of the cab and heard the hummer thanking me.

"Thank you boss, you're very kind" he said.
"Your welcome, you made me a very unhappy person" I said and closed the door.